


My Dearest

by daisymayrio



Category: twdg
Genre: F/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 07:51:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17977316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisymayrio/pseuds/daisymayrio
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: PANIC ATTACK/INTENSE CRYINGJust please watch out when reading this. As Clementine reflects on her past, she finally allows herself to just feel everything she's been forced to repress after years of living in a world no one else could.Louis knows something is wrong and comforts her, giving her support and love she's always deserved.All characters belong to The Walking Dead Game.





	My Dearest

Clementine manages to be the first to excuse herself and goes unnoticed while heading back to the dorms. She doesn't exactly know what hit her, or why, but that's what grief can do. Especially of all times, she was just having dinner with everyone in the courtyard. And then, just out of nowhere, it hit her. Each step is quicker than the last, she opens her dorm and closes the door as if she was being chased. She leans against the door, looking up at the aged ceiling and all the little trinkets decorating her room. She spots her signature, worn hat hanging from the bunk bed. The dots of blood have faded to a rustic maroon, the tears and holes stand out just as much as the D logo peeling off. She closes her eyes, taking one deep breath. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe in. She barely lets go of the air she just took in. She attempts to steady her breathing, but she can't. What's going on? She is breathing, more like panicking now so loudly, all she can do is cover her mouth. She allows one tear to fall. Then another. She either can't stop or refuses to, she can't tell which. Through all the years, there was no time to cry. There was no little corner where she could go to feel sorry for herself, the only thing she could do was to keep moving forward. Especially when AJ came, Clem vowed she'd never let him see her cry. She didn't want to scare him. The toughest girl he knew, crying? What happened?

Everything. Everything happened.

Getting kicked out of her first real home just two weeks ago. Clementine slides down a bit against the door. AJ getting shot. Slide. Lilly invading her first real home. "Cutting her losses." Her bringing up Lee, after Clem told her to stop mentioning his name. Not seeing Javi or Gabe ever again. Being separated from AJ all those years ago. Thinking he was dead. Slide. Losing Kenny. Losing Christa. Losing Omid. Trusting the stranger instead of Lee. Losing Lee.

The last thought thrusts Clem to the floor. Her breathing is still off, her heart and veins are pulsing beneath her skin. She doing her best to be quiet but failing miserably. Her tears racing down her cheeks, staining her entire face. She can hear herself sobbing, quite a foreign sound. All she can do is hold herself, both hands clutching to her shoulders as she buries her cries into her knees. Her hat falls in front of her. All she can think to do is hug her hat, coddling it for dear life as she rocks back and forth. She looks at her tattered hat, just like herself, she's surprised how it's holding itself together after all this time.

"I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry..." Clem musters out in between breaths. Something she had wanted to say to every kind soul that's taken care of her on the journey to allow her to be here today.

Her breathing is steady now. Her head is throbbing, but she's calmed down for now. Knock, knock.

Oh great, perfect timing. Clem thought to herself.

"J-just a second," Clem tells the visitor as she wipes away the last of her tears while she places her hat on low, blocking her golden eyes from the world she just couldn't face again right this second. She opens the door to reveal a quietly worried Louis. "Hey, Louis. What's up?" Clem closes the door behind him, doing everything she can to avoid his deep tawny brown eyes, she knows they can see right through her. She pretends to look busy, reorganizing her shelf of trinkets, straightening out the covers on AJ's bed. Louis stands behind her, trying to get a good look at her.

"Hey, you kind of dipped pretty quick right after dinner. You feeling alright?"

"I did? Oh, that's right. I just had a lot of cleaning to do in here. I know it looks fine now, but you should have seen the mess a few minutes ago." Clem stifles back a quiet sob. Louis puts his hand on her shoulder and turns her around without any effort. She's looking down, refusing to meet his gaze. He holds her chin gently upward, their eyes meet.

"You can tell me what's wrong, Clem. If you want."

"...or?" Louis gently pulls her close, her head resting on his chest. She can hear his heartbeat, a comforting sound. Both his arms encompass her, they both begin to sway left and right.

"Or we can stay like this for as long as you like. We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Clem allows a few tears to roll down past her chin, staining Louis's pine green button. Of course, he didn't mind.

"Oh, my dearest Clementine. She's wonderful. She's sweet. She's strong. She's caring. She's feisty." Louis sings to her quietly, at the tone of a lullaby. Clem giggles her last tear away. She knows Louis is the only one who can cheer her up when she gets like this. If she ever allows herself to get like this again. "She's beautiful. She's a warrior. But even a warrior needs to rest." Louis raises her chin towards him.

"You don't have to front with me, Clementine. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be scared. We're all at least a little terrified. You don't have to hide anything from me. Ever..." he kisses her forehead. Clem returns his hug, holding him tighter.

"You too, Lou." He removes her hat gently, kissing the top of her head. "My Lou. He's wonderful too. He's caring too. He's handsome. He's strong too. He is kind. He's my music man. He is perfect."

"Who? Me?"

"Louis..." Clem quietly giggles into his shirt.

"You're perfect, Clem. Thank you."

"For?"

"Being you."

"That's my line, Lou." Clementine lets out a quiet laugh as Louis trails kiss from her forehead to her chin. For the first time in weeks, Clem feels at peace. She's in awe, how just one person has the ability to make her calm. Her Louis. Her dearest Louis.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Lou.


End file.
